Huntingdon College: program in Political Science, Public Affairs & International Studies
Notes on International Terrorism and Response.
Terry Jones, satirical letter to Observer (London).
Reprinted from e-mail for the benefit of students.
Compiled by Jeremy Lewis_Mail IconComments.  Posted on 7 Mar  2003.
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Mail IconComments		   A letter to the london observer from Terry Jones (yes, of Monty Python). 
    > > 
    > > Letter to the Observer 
    > > 
    > > Sunday January 26, 2003 
    > > 
    > > The Observer 
    > > 
    > > 
    > > I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for 
    > > bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am 
    > > I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with 
    > > Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the 
    > > street. 
    > > 
    > > Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. 
    > > They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson 
    > > is planning something nasty for me, but so far I 
    > > haven't been able to discover what. 
    > > 
    > > I've been round to his place a few times to see what 
    > > he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. 
    > > That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask 
    > > me how I know, I just know - from very good 
    > > sources -that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I 
    > > have leafleted the street telling them that if we 
    > > don't act first, he'll pick us off one by 
    > > one. 
    > > Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why 
    > > don't I go to the police? But that's simply 
    > > ridiculous. The police will say that they need 
    > > evidence of a crime with which to charge my 
    > > neighbours. 
    > > 
    > > They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling 
    > > about the 
    > > rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the 
    > > while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do 
    > > terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly 
    > > murdering people. 
    > > 
    > > Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent 
    > > range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to 
    > > keep the peace. But until recently that's been a 
    > > little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has 
    > > made it clear that all I need to do is run out of 
    > > patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I 
    > > want! 
    > > 
    > > And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out 
    > > policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about 
    > > international peace and security. 
    > > The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist 
    > > suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb 
    > > a few Muslim countries that 
    > > have never threatened us. 
    > > 
    > > That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and 
    > > kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll 
    > > teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and 
    > > stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable 
    > > way. 
    > > 
    > > Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know 
    > > before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty 
    > > man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even 
    > > if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much 
    > > justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and 
    > > children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's 
    > > long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by 
    > > eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such 
    > > a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know 
    > > when you've achieved it? 
    > > 
    > > How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all 
    > > terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But 
    > > then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's 
    > > committed an act of terror. 
    > > 
    > > What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you 
    > > really want to eliminate, since most of the known 
    > > terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already 
    > > eliminated themselves. 
    > > 
    > > 
    > > Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could 
    > > possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure 
    > > he's achieved his objective until every Muslim 
    > > fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims 
    > > might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really 
    > > safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all 
    > > Muslims? 
    > > It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel 
    > > are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of 
    > > other people in the street who I don't like and who - 
    > > quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be 
    > > really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife 
    > > says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm 
    > > simply using the same logic as the President of the 
    > > United States. That shuts her up. 
    > > 
    > > Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's 
    > > a good enough reason for the President, it's good 
    > > enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two 
    > > weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand 
    > > over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic 
    > > outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if 
    > > they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', 
    > > I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come. 
    > > 
    > > It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing 
    > > -and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy 
    > > will destroy only one street.
 
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